My Mother-In-Law Doesn’t Like Puzzles

My Mother-in-Law doesn’t like puzzles… but that’s one of the ways I know she loves me.

Now, don’t get me wrong, my MIL is 10/10 - she is a forever cheerleader for our little family, always willing to help, and also always willing to just listen. But I start this blog with something as simple as puzzles, because it symbolizes a beautiful characterization of who she is. 

As first-time parents, Andrew and I started getting LOADS of unsolicited advice from the minute we told people, or they could see my bump. (& for the other new parents out there, I’ll just let you know now that the unsolicited advice doesn’t stop.) 

For backstory, I wasn’t a little girl who dreamed of being a mom. I never dreamed of my wedding day or staying home with babies. I was pretty career driven and as an only child, very independent. Falling in love with my best friend (a literal best friend of mine) was a shock… and wanting to start a family with him was probably an even bigger shock for me and most of my family and other close friends. 

When we found out we were pregnant, we were pleasantly surprised, but also terrified. We had just gutted our house and were sleeping in my grandmother’s guest room for a whole house renovation. So, the timing was God’s & not ours. 

The house renovation turned into every contractor nightmare you hear about, so the joy of looking forward to our first child really kept us going through the headaches, mistakes and chaos. 

But … we really had no idea what we were doing. So, at first the unsolicited advice actually felt helpful and not overwhelming. 

We were finally able to move back home when I was 6 months pregnant. We still had a punch list and unpacking, but we were home. It felt like we had a minute to breathe and actually dream about what our lives would look like as parents and the type of parents we wanted to be. 

Queue the criticism. 

At some point the unsolicited advice gets a bestie named unsolicited opinions. Everyone knows more than you or better than you. 

So, before I write a whole separate story… what does all this have to do with my MIL and our relationship? 

She was a constant. She never pried for information, imposed her opinions, or criticized our ideas. She was just happy to be included, excited to be apart of the next step of our lives, and willing to answer all the questions she could. 

Now, that I have an almost two-year-old, and we are expecting a second little boy in the spring - the unsolicited advice and criticisms have started again. (Definitely not as bad as the first time… I guess we look less terrified). 

This time though, I find that none of it bothers me. I don’t Google everything I’m told or let opinions hurt my feelings. I just carry on the conversation and keep on living. Instead, this time, I find myself looking for the unspoken advice - watching, observing, and listening to the other mothers around me. 

I’m blessed to be surrounded by strong women that span several generations. I have girlfriends to look too in the same life stage as us, and we are blessed to be close to both of our families. 

The biggest lesson I’ve been working on lately is something that my MIL exemplifies perfectly … probably without even knowing it. Our presence is the best present we can give our children. 

Which takes me back to the point that my MIL does NOT like puzzles. 

A few weeks ago, when I got the first P2T puzzle in and wanted to take pictures for marketing, I realized I would have to put it together first. Without hesitation my MIL and SIL happily said yes to helping. After a family dinner, we cleared the table and the men cleaned up the dishes and entertained our toddler, so we could get it done. It really was a whole family effort. The yes, the jokes that followed, and the patience and time they spent with me on a Friday night to help support this dream was life giving. 

Fast forward to Monday, I realized I needed a second set of hands to help the photographer and me stage the marketing photos for the puzzle and some other new products. Again, my MIL said yes and drove 45 minutes to support me without hesitation. 

Like I said, she doesn’t love puzzles, but she does love me. So, she said yes to me. & once again it was life giving. 

As Andrew and I are settling into our lives as parents, I’m starting to realize the best advice for parents is just to be there. The show of support, the check in, the help with dishes, and the compromises. I look back on that weekend, and I see such a valuable lesson for all of us. 

Make the choice to be there. 

My MIL could have told me good luck with the puzzle and my SIL could have said sorry it’s been a long day at work after getting home late. & Honestly, I wouldn’t have been hurt by either response, but their decision to change their plans (even if just a little) - to make a small compromise to get more time with our family and support my dream - that was impactful - that was love. 

Re-reading the Bible this year felt so different as a mother. It was the first time I got through it as a parent & there are so many impactful scriptures for this stage of life. I aim to follow God’s word and lead my home biblically, but the truth is I fall short. Every week I find myself regretting a punishment or time spent away from my boys. Every week I find myself questioning my choices and becoming my own worst critique. Every week I feel myself falling short on patience and grace over silly little things. 

But now, I try to remember the help and support from my MIL. & when I do, I feel the love and support just from my MIL’s presence and give myself grace. As long as I am present, loving and patient my son will feel the love I have for him and know how cherished he is. As long as I do my best to answer his call, he will look back and remember how hard I tried. 

Sometimes my time with my family, the rules we thought we had, or the ideas we wanted to try will just look a little different (like putting together a puzzle instead of having your SIL win at Skip-Bo again). BUT it’s the TIME together that counts. The days on the calendar are just dates. The ideas we have about parenting aren’t life or death rules. & the moments we plan can change. It’s up to us to make the day special and memorable regardless of the circumstances.

It’s up to us to make their childhood memorable and cherished regardless of the “plot twists.”

Unexpectedly, we had the best time putting the puzzle together, and my MIL and I had a great time at the photo shoot. As a bonus, I got some photos of us that I will cherish for the years to come, and a great example of unconditional support and love. 

My MIL wasn’t super confident about her puzzle skills and was worried about her nails in photos - but she put her worries and hesitations aside and made it happen to support me. & that is the exact energy I plan to bring into my motherhood from now on. I won’t always know the right move dealing with two, and I won’t always feel super confident about my choices … but I will just show up, do my best, and say I love you while giving myself grace instead of criticism as I turn in at the end of the night. 

I want this blog to be a challenge for all of us moms to give ourselves some grace this busy season and live in the moment. I promise, no matter the age, your children will cherish your presence more than anything. 

God’s Love and Mine, 

Christina